According to the introduction, Jake Kalish first wrote about imaginary fights when doing a piece for Playboy in 2003. Who would win in a fight between the Incredible Hulk or the Terminator (both having their films in the theater that summer). What I slogged my way through in Santa vs. Satan, the outcome of these imaginary -- and "unbiased" -- fights never really matters provided you beat the concept to death with stale "joke" after "punchline." ( the Adam vs. Charles Darwin fight: by the way, douchebag, going to church exclusively on Xmas Eve does not make you religious. Just thought you should know.)

You've probably all seen these nuggets of brilliance in Maxim -- which I know you read for the intuitive articles and keen insights of the editors -- and by extension, I'm sure you can thus imagine the parade of alpha male, frat boy, poop and fart jokes, and misogynist homophobe "humor" filling these pages. If you cut out all the blank pages and illustrations and present the content in MLA format, you've got about 40 pages of text, none of which is even remotely funny. To quote the author with the critic's favorite words in the Artist vs. Critic bout: "pedantic; insipid; jejune." Yeah, that sums it up pretty nicely. 0 out of a possible 5 stars.

Wait, I'm no longer restricted by a standardized rating system. -1 out of a possible 5 stars. I wouldn't even take this to a book burning due to the potential offal smell when it ignites.

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Publisher: Three Rivers Press (CA)
Pub. Date: July 2008
ISBN-13: 9780307406705