Rating: 3 stars
Burton Lazlow just can't get a break. From the very beginning, when he had his big debut in The Tarantula, Burton has been getting screwed by the Hollywood system. This, even while real-life and on-screen arch-nemesis Arthur Hollingshead screws with his mind and someone else screws his starlet wife. Poor Burton.
What's a dry alkie of a washed-up Brit actor to do? Surprise everyone with the "performance" of a lifetime, of course.
Burton's screen siren wife leaves him, and he suddenly finds himself in a bit of a pickle after committing a sensational murder while pickled. A man on the run, his adventures take him across high seas and straight into the clutches of Vespa-riding misanthropes with cockney accents. Negotiating his way through gangs of disenfranchised youth, LSD trips with leather-clad witches, and the ramblings of an artsy director obsessed with snuff films, Burton eventually finds himself coming back full circle to morph into the very entity that made him a household name.
Curse of the Tarantula makes no pretense of being anything more or less than what it is: pulp fiction. That's fine; there's a place for pulp fiction in this world. But it means that when assessing the value of this particular work, it can only be compared to others of its genre, instead of to the whole of literature. That said, I still found my patience a bit tried and there area few different reasons why.
The first inkling I had that Curse of the Tarantula might be in trouble was when I saw it had been split into "acts," in the same manner as a play. Segretto wasn't too far off base in doing this though, as I felt the whole of the book would have been better packaged as a play than a novel. My next warning sign was the excessive use of "cunt" as a swear word. I realize Burton is an Englishman and this may be a Brit favorite, but the use was excessive to the point of tedium. (To put this in to perspective, I was raised surrounded by sailors and Marines, and still managed to find the overuse near-unbearably crass.)
By the end of the sixth chapter, I was still waiting for some sign of where things were going and growing impatient with the story. A lot can go into character and scenario development, but I had the impression that a lot of details were in place for little more than filler value, due to how they weighed down the story line. The story begins to pick up soon after that point, albeit with the help of a few "culinary" scenes so graphic I literally vomited a little in my mouth. While Burton's adventures from that point on are extensive and fantastic, they still meander in such a way that it's hard to understand the point behind them until the very last couple of chapters of the book. The ending, though predictable by the time it arrives, breaks from the rest of the book in its tastefulness and still manages to be satisfying.
Overall, my biggest beef with is that it seems written with every intent of portraying the attitudes, perspectives and idiosyncrasies of a British man, with the dual goal of being humorous. Unfortunately, it falls short. There were two or three times I smiled a little bit, and only one instance in which I outright laughed. While there was room to turn this into a Monty Python-esque riot (okay, I'll cave... it could have even become a twisted episode of Have You Been Served?), this came across as the somewhat impotent attempt of an American to properly convey British humour; which is to say, about as natural as a Doberman named Bruiser trying to fit into a pink cardigan and Paris Hilton's handbag. The attempt might be comical to watch, but the actual act is awkward at best.
In spite of these hitches, this novel is still entertaining, once you get past the slow beginning. There are some inventive scenarios brought into play, and most of the characters are amusing. Segretto also displays a good grasp of the "meta" concept in his structuring of the plot. Furthermore, I have to give credit to any author who can make a rotten, nearly-liquified cucumber both a critical item and a turning point for an entire story.
Die hard pulp fans will probably enjoy Curse of the Tarantula simply for being pulp, and all others (except Anglophiles) may find redemptive value in the aforementioned points. Segretto is clearly capable of more. I'm interested in seeing what he produces when he quits holding back.
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Paperback: 208 pages
Publisher: Poor Taste Press (September 5, 2008)
ISBN-10: 0615217125
ISBN-13: 978-0615217123