The Associated Press reported recently the Rev. Ksawery Knotz, a Polish friar in Warsaw has written a book encouraging Catholic married couples to have hot steamy sex: Sex As You Don’t Know It: For Married Couples Who Love God.

The title alone sounds a bit confusing, much less pondering where the information came from. Wouldn’t getting sexual pointers from a man of the cloth be like a lifelong vegetarian inspecting and grading our beef? Or an Orthodox Rabbi eating pork (no pun intended)?

In his book Friar Knotz writes:

"Some people, when they hear about the holiness of married sex, immediately imagine that such sex has to be deprived of joy, frivolous play, fantasy and attractive positions, (They think) it has to be sad like a traditional church hymn."

All this time I thought I was picking the wrong guys – turns out it’s just Catholic guilt.

The book idea came to Friar Knotz from all of the counseling he provided to married couples (again, it’s the vegetarian and beef thing) and he wanted to find a way to show them that good sex is part of a good marriage; and here I thought having sex is why good Catholics got married in the first place. Although many men of the cloth have taken on the sex topic, according to Ryan Lucas of the AP, our fair friar has apparently taken a “explicit approach to sex – including everything from the theological to the practical, from oral sex to contraception and the number of children a Catholic couple should have”.

If that’s not enough to creep you out, Knotz writes:

"Every act — a type of caress, a sexual position — with the goal of arousal is permitted and pleases God,"

It pleases God? Could you just hear that bedroom talk “Oh, honey, do me doggy-style; He just loves it when you do that.”

Knotz’s book also notes:

"Married couples celebrate their sacrament, their life with Christ also during sex… It is difficult for them (guild-ridden Catholic couples – my words, not theirs) to understand that God is also interested in their happy sex life and in this way gives them his gift."

I hadn’t realized that God was such a voyeur. If happy sex is His gift, why can only 30% of women have an orgasm during intercourse? Somebody is playing favorites…

For all of Knotz’s outside-the-box thinking (no pun intended), he still continues the traditional Catholic view of no condoms or other types of birth control. The fact that he had the courage to tackle such an alien topic I guess I can let it slide (again, no pun intended).

The book was released in Poland last month and already the publisher is going back for a second printing, as the first 5000 copies were snatched up (no pun… aw, forget it). Looks like Friar Knotz did the people of Poland a solid. By assuaging all that pent-up sexual guilt, Knotz has given the go-ahead for everyone to get their freak on.

Of course, God will be watching – just try not to think about that.