As a veteran of the licensing industry, I understand the impulse to extend a brand into other products. During my 12 years in captivity, I often questioned whether my job was a productive one as it didn’t benefit the world in any positive, necessary way, but in my own defense (and self-respect) I managed to keep the brands I represented toward the higher end of the scale and the licensed products relevant.

Then, and even more now, whenever I see another Dora the Explorer anything I want to scream. Unfortunately, the madness doesn’t stop there. Sponge Bob has been showing up our fruits and vegetables and now Disney characters are on my eggs; apparently, nothing is sacred anymore.

Although I’ve been out of the industry a little more than a year, I try to keep up with the latest happenings and still managed to be shocked and appalled at all of the useless crap being licensed. The latest of these is a brand (and a book) called The High Maintenance Bitch (Owner’s Manual) – a “high end” pet brand. HMB is partnering with another company to create such useful things as soap shaped like cupcakes, furniture, toys, pet apparel and something that makes me embarrassed to be human… fur adhesive earrings. The other stuff was bad enough. High priced carrying cases? Ok. Diamond studded collars? Fine. Little outfits? You’re pushing it. Fur adhesive earrings? PETA should have you put down. Oh, and it doesn’t stop there, the company also has a line of make-up – “Whiskera” anyone? Unbelievable.

I shouldn’t blame the company for doing this, someone has to provide for the vacuous celebrity-sheep (and those who aspire to be just as pathetic); HMB would be crazy not to cash in. I have a feeling (or is that hope?) that the brother and sister team who wrote the book meant for it to be humorous and fun. Sadly, this is what happens when someone can’t take a joke.