It’s not often that I watch the news, it’s too depressing—especially international news—although the story of the Pope being attacked piqued my interest. Susanna Maiolo, a 25 year-old woman of Swiss-Italian nationality, jumped the barricade at St. Peter’s Square and took down the 82-year-old pontiff; that alone is bad enough, but it gets worse. Not only does Miss Maiolo have psychiatric problems, this is the second time she has attempted the exact same thing. Apparently on Christmas Eve 2008 Miss Maiolo, wearing the same red sweatshirt, attempted the maneuver; but luckily was prevented from reaching her goal.

I have to ask, why was a mentally unstable woman left on her own? Especially on Christmas Eve. I’d give her the benefit of the doubt if she happened to be wandering past the Vatican on say… Pesce d'Aprile (April Fool's Day) without supervision, but it’s Christmas Eve and she’s done it before. You'd think her family would be saying, “Hey, keep your eye on Susie, it's Christmas Eve and you know how she likes to attack elderly men in pointy gold hats.”

In this day and age of meds, we have drugs that can take down a charging rhino in mid-stride, but they couldn’t find something mild enough to keep a woman from jumping a barricade? Authorities claim that they will “judge her” once she is medically evaluated—did anybody think to evaluate Miss Maiolo the first time? Perhaps take a moment to check any medication she was taking for side-effects that might be a red flag: dry mouth, bloating, nausea and an insatiable need to wrestle the Pope to the ground on Christmas Eve. I’m just sayin'.

The one prop I have to give to Miss Maiolo is her ability to attend one of the biggest events of the year, to be one person among literally thousands of people and still manage to get to the front row not once, but twice. Skills like that could come in quite handy at the next U2 concert.