Rating: 3 stars
When I was asked to review the Penguin Classic edition of The Kama Sutra, I readily agreed. I was ten years old the last time I snuck a peek at this book, so I figured since I’ve had a few decades to mature, I probably wouldn't giggle uncontrollably at the pictures anymore—probably.
Well, I received the book and a bit of a shock: there were no pictures. No pictures, in a sex book? That’s like going to the Museum of Modern Art and instead of looking at paintings, there’s a bunch of words describing the paintings.
I mean, who knew this book even had words? And, not only does it have words, but it has the original words. So, while you’re trying to decipher what position they’re talking about, you have to make sure you’re of the right caste or courtesan that would allow you to be in said position to begin with.
As is oft the case with sex, there will be questions. What if you’re a man who wants to sleep with a married woman of a higher caste, you might ask. Well, if she’s married, but is already known to be loose and robbed of her virtue by many others, then good news: she’s fair game!
The most surprising aspect of the book was “Chapter 7: Hitting and Moaning.” In the section of “Hitting” it states: “If she sobs and protests, he strikes her on the head with his hand hallowed and the fingers slightly curled and, choking back her babbling and sobbing within her mouth, she sighs and weeps when intercourse ends.” Now, I don’t know what this conveyed 2,000 years ago, when the book was originally written, but in these, apparently more frigid times, this describes rape—or, at the very least, the average American marriage.
The Kama Sutra also has plenty of tips, tricks and all natural recipes to achieve the results you want, without drugs or the newfangled technology we have today. Want to bewitch a woman? Just before having sex with her, smear your man-parts with honey mixed with a powder of thorn apple, black pepper and long pepper. Don’t have any of that laying around? Using a powder made of wind-blown leaves, flowers left on a corpse and peacock bones has the same effect.
Want to enhance your virility? Drink milk boiled with the testicles of a ram and a goat. Mix in some sugar for just the right sweetness.
Is your crotch rocket more of a transport pod? For permanent enlargement just place the bristles of certain insects which are born from trees on your junk, massage it with oil. Repeat for ten nights. Need a quick fix? Just gather a few ingredients, including: juices of ground cherry, jungle yam, and buffalo butter and massage in. You’ll have a full month to impress the ladies.
So, whether you’re new to sex and want to know if that girl you want, wants you too (she’ll let you know by pushing you with her breasts) or you’re an old pro—not in a hooker-y way—and just need a refresher on how much pinching is acceptable during oral sex (none, only “squeezing mercilessly” and certain types of biting) then the Penguin Classic edition of The Kama Sutra is for you.
Reading level: Ages 18 and up
Paperback: 240 pages
Publisher: Penguin Classics; Deluxe edition (January 31, 2012)